10 Reasons She Doesn’t Want To Have Sex That Have Nothing To Do With You

Women can be more confusing than a fragrance commercial. One minute she’s all over you in lacy lingerie and the next she’s on the couch in her sweatpants with more of a desire for a pint of ice cream than any part of you. While every relationship is unique, here are a bunch of reasons she isn’t having sex with you that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

  1. She has a lot on her mind. If she’s feeling anxious about a work deadline or feuding with her best friend, you can guarantee that she isn’t in the mood to wrestle in bed with you. When she’s stressed, it can be nearly impossible to turn that off and switch gears to sexy time. Try giving her a long massage to relax and ease her mind.
  2. She’s exhausted. When a relationship is new and exciting, it doesn’t matter how tired you are—you’re always ready to go. When you get a little more comfortable with a person, you start feeling okay about just cuddling at the end of a long day. If she’s had a particularly long day or has way too much on her plate, she won’t be in the mood. Light some candles, pour her a glass of wine and draw her a bubble bath. If she’s able to unwind, she’ll be more open to having a little fun at the end of the day.
  3. It’s that time of the month or close to it. Can you imagine waking up one day and seeing an extra five pounds of bloat sitting around your stomach? Women have to deal with that every single month and it doesn’t just fall in the five or so days of her period. The week or even two weeks leading up to the dreaded time of the month will make her feel lethargic, moody, and like the twin sister of a beached whale. If you’re one of those guys that’s into period sex, kudos to you. Just remember that she might not be. It’s a pretty unsexy time of the month for her, so be patient and she’ll feel like herself again soon.
  4. She’s not feeling sexy. Women are faced with images of celebrity six-packs and long-legged Victoria’s Secret models almost every second of the day. While you think she’s perfect in every way, sometimes she’s just not feeling great about herself. The last thing she wants to do is strip her clothes off and bare all of the flaws that she’s feeling insecure about. Find ways to compliment her that’ll boost her self-confidence.
  5. Birth control pills are kind of the worst. Hormonal contraceptives can reduce the amount of free testosterone in the body. So, while women take the pill to avoid bulky condoms and have carefree sex, that same pill is limiting her libido. We just can’t win.
  6. You don’t have enough privacy. Roommates are total mood killers. While a frat house full of guys can throw a sock on the door that acts like an invisible, noise-canceling shield, women are a little more self-conscious. If she’s not free to scream and moan as loud as she wants, she won’t be able to get out of her head. It might be time to assess the headboard on your bed or that creaky mattress spring while you’re at it.
  7. She’s feeling a little needy. Women are emotional beings. Sometimes they just need to be cuddled extra hard and spoiled with love. If she’s overstressed and overworked, she may just want to come home and rest her head on your chest or wrap herself in your arms. She might come around as she starts to unwind, but if she doesn’t, you’re looking at a Netflix and Chill night.
  8. If it’s a new relationship, she may just need time. Some women are ready to get busy on the first date, but others need to feel really comfortable with you. She may feel a spark but wants to experience more of a connection before her clothes come off. Sex is super fun so it’s easy to forget that it’s one of the most personal and intimate things we can share. You can’t force her to go at your speed, so just wait until she’s ready. It’ll be worth it in the end.
  9. She’s getting older. As if we needed another reason to dread old age, a woman’s libido starts decreasing in her 30s and 40s. Dating an older woman is enticing—she’s confident, comfortable in her own skin, and has a good amount of experience between the sheets. But as she distances herself from childbearing years, things just aren’t the same below the belt.
  10. It could be painful. Whether she’s had children or has a condition like endometriosis, sex can be painful for her. If she’s too dry, the friction feels like you just wrapped your penis in sandpaper. The sole purpose of sex is for pleasure and connection, but if it hurts for her, what the hell is the point? Invest in a lifetime supply of lube. Seriously— it’s a lifesaver.