Life

10 Things No One Tells You About Going Through A Divorce

Your wedding day is the pinnacle of your love life. It’s the day you agree to spend the rest of your life with one person, promising to love them for an eternity. By that measure, divorce is the antithesis of that apex. It’s rock bottom when it comes to love, and that’s why divorce is so tough to swallow. Here’s why going through one is so life-changing.

  1. You question your decision. As you’re going through a divorce, you find yourself wondering constantly if this is the right path. The back and forth questioning will result in restless nights. Can we fix this? Should we go through with this? Can I forgive her? Why did this have to happen? There are a million questions that will cross your mind throughout the ordeal. It’s unfortunate that many of them will go unanswered. This is a difficult time as it’s full of uncertainty, stress, and self-doubt. The best way to get through this is to communicate with your partner to ensure this is the correct path. If that is not an option, trusting in an unbiased family member or friend might help you get through it.
  2. It’s full of regret. After you have had time to look back on the highs and lows of the marriage, you inevitably feel regret. You go back and revisit the peaks and valleys of the marriage and mourn your decision to call it quits. Some will live with regret for a lifetime, while others will eventually move on as the feeling subsides. After self-reflection and a significant amount of time, most will be at peace with their decision. However, the regret that comes immediately after the divorce is real and imminent.
  3. It’s incredibly lonely. After years of marriage, you get used to being with someone every day. This feeling is even more prominent if you have kids together. Once the marriage ends, you find yourself alone with your thoughts and memories. This loneliness can be one of the most difficult things to overcome during the divorce process. You have to unlearn all of the everyday things you and your ex shared. Car rides to work together every morning, watching your show on the couch after work, dinner time, family nights, the way morning routine of getting ready for work together—these are all small things that might have seemed trivial at the time but take on a new meaning once they’re gone.
  4. You make terrible decisions immediately afterward. The loneliness and pain felt after a divorce can lead to a period of apathy. It can be demoralizing and lead to serious emotional issues including depression. The feeling of being alone mixed with regret and uncertainty drives recent divorcees to seek find solace in things that might be unhealthy. Sleeping with strangers, turning to alcohol, and going out every night are all attempts to fill the void left by an ex. This isn’t to say that having a drink or a one night stand are wrong, and releasing stress and tension by throwing caution to the wind isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, it’s possible to take things too far.
  5. It’s a new start. After you’ve made peace with the separation and have had time to fall into some poor choices, it’s time to realize that this is a fresh start. Months after the divorce, most will hit the reset button. This is the time to travel, make new friends, and revisit old ones. This is the opportunity to look toward a new outlook on life.
  6. Sometimes you go back to your ex. Because of our innate human flaw of letting our emotions guide our actions, we sometimes do things that often make little sense. One of those things is the dreaded act of going back to an ex after a divorce. This often includes going back just for sex or attempting to rekindle what once was. We do this because we’re still holding on to lingering feelings or memories and crave their familiar touch or conversation. Either way, this usually tends to end in more hurt and affirmation that the relationship ended for a reason in the first place.
  7. You become a better parent. Oddly enough, it’s when you are forced to parent alone that you are at your best as a mother or father. This doesn’t mean that a divorce is somehow healthier for a child, but it does mean that many parents are pushed to having to do more for their children after a divorce. Leaning on the other parent is no longer an option nearly as much. Time spent with the children is split so making the best of each moment becomes a concerted effort to be more present in their lives. Being more engaged in their happiness takes on a new meaning.
  8. You get healthier. Over the years, couples adopt a sense of comfort in their relationship. This convenience leads to a change for the worse in our eating and lifestyle habits. Once you find yourself on the other side of divorce, you’re likely to find that you’re not the same healthy person you were when you first got married. It isn’t uncommon for recent divorcees to feel compelled to kick their health back into gear, and that can only be a good thing.
  9. You become financially savvy. When you’re married, you have two incomes to rely on; when you’re single, it’s all down to you but your bills don’t go away. You still need a home, a car, and have bills to pay. This drastic change often moves you to become more frugal when it comes to money. It’s not out of want, but a need to change how you spend money. For the time being, it may not be fun to have to cut back, but in the long run, it helps with your financial future.
  10. You become a better partner for future relationships. You just failed at a marriage, so it stands to reason you made some mistakes—some pretty major ones, in fact. Ironically, going through a divorce often means you are going to be a better partner on your next go around at love. After a divorce, there are major moments of reflection. You find that you contributed to the breakdown of the relationship and this learning experience will teach you some pretty profound instructions on what to do and what not to do in your next relationship.