Dating

10 Things That Should Never Happen In The First Month Of A Relationship

The beginning of a relationship is often a whirlwind of excitement and infatuation, both of which can impair our judgment. Whether these things seem bad or good on the surface, they can all spell trouble if they happen in the first month of a relationship:

  1. A major fight. The first six months minimum of a relationship should feel like the “honeymoon period.” You might have a squabble here and there, but as a whole, you should feel pretty low-key obsessed with the person you’re dating… if all is going well, that is. A huge fight that happens before you can even tick off the one-month milestone of your relationship is a sign that this pairing isn’t meant to be.
  2. Anything in the realm of infidelity. Infidelity shouldn’t happen at any point in your relationship, but especially not in the beginning, when you should both only have eyes for each other. It’s fairly normal to develop harmless crushes after a few years of being together, but if one of you is not only crushing on other people but acting on those crushes after just a few weeks, abandon ship now.
  3. Moving in together. Sometimes, that aforementioned honeymoon period can tempt you to take the next step with your partner long before you actually should. Even if you’re spending a lot of time together because you can’t get enough of each other, moving in is a huge step that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Wait until you know each other a bit more before making such a massive commitment.
  4. Expensive dates or gifts. Even if your bank account overfloweth, it’s unwise to spend a large amount of that money on someone who you can’t be sure is great for you. Not only could you end up getting burned if your partner decides she’d rather be with someone else after you spent thousands of dollars on her, but if you’re on the receiving end of all those gifts, she might be treating them as an “investment” to bribe you into sticking around.
  5. Dramatic compromises. After you’ve been together a while, it’s okay to consider moving across the country for your partner or cutting off a friend that makes your partner uncomfortable. But this early on, big compromises are risky choices. You should never make a life-changing decision based on the desires of someone who’s been in your life for 1/12 of a year.
  6. The L-word. Sometimes the “love at first sight” feeling turns out to be true, and yes, there are situations in which two people have known (and grown to love) each other long before they became an official couple. But generally speaking, no, you absolutely don’t know that girl you met at the gym three weeks ago well enough to honestly tell her that you love her.
  7. A sudden decrease in sex. There are lots of factors that can play into a lack of sex, including free time, stress, and health. But if all other factors seem to be absent and your sex life together has plummetted, take it as a warning sign that things are only going to go downhill from there. You two shouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other in the early stages of your relationship.
  8. Loaning expensive items or large amounts of money. It’s true that you should never loan anyone anything that would ruin you if they never gave it back, but that goes double for someone you’re dating. Letting your new partner borrow money for loan payments or giving her your car while hers is in the shop for a week might seem like a nice gesture, but the hard truth is that you don’t know her well enough to guarantee she’ll actually give back what she owes you.
  9. Big plans for the future. Especially as you get older and start looking for more serious, mature relationships, it’s fine to ask a new partner what they’re looking for in terms of if they want kids and would eventually like to get married. But you two should not already be planning out your wedding or thinking of baby names. Idealizing the future is natural to do in private, but speaking those thoughts aloud with your partner should wait at least a few more months.
  10. Joint purchases. Splitting a meal is a far cry from, say, adopting a dog together. At this point in the relationship, it’s too early to say whether or not things will work out in the long run, which makes co-ownership of important purchases a risky and unwise move. The last thing you want is to have to have a “custody battle” if the relationship ends a month later.