Dating

10 Ways To Break Up With Her Like A Gentleman

There’s no way around it – breakups are uncomfortable for everyone involved. While you should never stay in a relationship that isn’t working a moment longer than you have to, you should always end things in a compassionate way like a gentleman. While it sounds easier said than done, here are some tips on making a supremely uncomfortable situation more bearable for the both of you.

  1. Have the conversation in person. While it’s super tempting to avoid confrontation by sending an email or text, it’s downright cruel and cowardly. Real gentlemen won’t take the easy way out at the expense of her feelings. Take a deep breath and deliver the news to her face. It’s the right thing to do.
  2. Timing is key. While you don’t want to hold onto your impending breakup for long, try to avoid special occasions. If she has a birthday coming up, don’t break things off and ruin it. On the same note, holidays should also be off limits. You don’t want to ruin the magic of Christmas by forcing her to spend it in tears.
  3. Choose the right location. Breaking up at her apartment is arguably the worst thing to do. The couch you dump her on will be forever tarnished. Her own home is the only place to heal in solitude and you will have single-handedly ruined it. Doing it in a very public place, however, will humiliate her. She’ll be forced to subdue her emotions, which can come back to haunt you later. The solution? Break things off in your own apartment. It’s the one place she’ll never visit again.
  4. Communicate your reasoning clearly and let her ask as many questions as needed. Women have the tendency to overanalyze every single detail of their relationship when grieving its end. They need closure and the only way for them to receive it is by taking the time to understand your reasoning. It’ll give you both the best chance of moving on in a healthy way. The alternative is months of texts and emails asking, “Why?”
  5. Avoid blaming at all costs. Obviously, there is something about her that isn’t working for you. However, pointing out her flaws in an accusatory way is downright cruel. You may as well spit on her while you’re at it. Not only will it leave her in agony over her flaws that led to the demise of her seemingly happy relationship, it’ll end things on a sour note.
  6. Steer clear of clichés. Try to be a bit more specific than, “It’s not you, it’s me”. Avoid the phrase, “I hope we can stay friends.” All of these clichés come across as totally impersonal. Breakups are the epitome of personal. Think about what you want to convey beforehand so that you are able to communicate more clearly in that difficult moment. This isn’t the time to fly by the seat of your pants—she deserves better.
  7. Keep it positive and show your gratitude. Make sure that your partner knows that you have no regrets about the time you shared together. Emphasize all the good she has done for you, whether it was supporting you through a rough patch or simply making your day brighter with laughter. The worst thing you can do is convey the message that she is an awful girlfriend. The person on the receiving end of a breakup will spend enough time blaming themselves as it is.
  8. Stay strong and keep your intentions clear. She may look at you with her beautiful eyes and doe-eyed stare. This might cause you to crumble and cave. Stay strong. The fact is that unless toxic feels were harbored, you likely still care about her. She’ll hold out an ounce of hope until you clearly explain that you are ending things. Yes, you have to speak the words. While it may seem harsh in the moment, avoiding any lack of clarity will make it easier for her to move on and heal.
  9. Try to keep calm. There’s always a chance that your girlfriend will have a terrible, emotional reaction. While you’ve likely considered the breakup for a while, she might be completely shocked. If she throws a vase at you, don’t throw it back. If she calls screams the F word and calls you a dick, keep your cool. She may want to climb into your arms and cry, and just let her. Everyone handles pain differently, so let her have the opportunity to process the breakup. After all, you’re dumping her. Like the name implies, she feels like literal trash.
  10. Don’t contact her afterward. Although she’ll likely feel much worse than you, it’s going to affect you, too. The worst thing you could do is send her a text with some nonsense like, “I’m so sorry that I hurt you”, or call her to “check up on her.” While it will make you feel a little better, it will likely make her feel much worse.