You did it. You finally scored a first date with the woman you’ve been fantasizing about for months. First, congratulations. Second, do yourself a favor and follow these tips to ensure it goes well so you land a second date with her too.
- Don’t talk about your ex. Both sexes make the classic mistake of talking about their ex on a date with someone new. This is one of the easiest ways to show you’re still hung up on your ex, or at the very least seriously miffed at her. While it’s fine to share that your last relationship was X months ago when asked, don’t volunteer information otherwise. We all like to believe our partners haven’t dated anyone except us, so stay out of ex territory unless you’re swapping war stories.
- Don’t get all touchy-feely, i.e. grope-y. One of my best friends recounted a story of a first and last date that still leaves me horrified. Among the many things this idiot did was touching her thighs. They were sitting at one of those high tables for two at a local bar and he kept putting his grubby paws on her legs. Did she give any signals that this was okay? No. Did she lean into him in any way, again signaling that she wouldn’t mind being touched? Nope. So not cool. In addition to rubbing her thighs in the creepiest possible way, this dink also tried to get her into his car. She lived down the street from said bar, but even if she lived across town or in another state, she wouldn’t haven gotten in his damn vehicle. Unless she’s leaning into you a whole lot and touching your arm, hand, chest, whatever, don’t touch her. She’s just going to find you pushy… and gross.
- Don’t, um, not pay. I know what decade it is, but it doesn’t matter. PAY. Sure, these are theoretically modern times and women don’t expect you to pay for their whole lives, but they generally want you to pay for at least the first date. Again, let me reference the thigh-groping jerkoff from the previous paragraph. Not only did he touch my wonderful friend without her permission, he made her pay for her food and drinks. Ironically, his mother had been visiting, and as my friend remarked, “She should be yelled at for raising such a horrible son.” Paying for the date is a sign of respect and lets her know you want to impress her. Making her pay—whether you’re trying to sleep with her on the first try or not—is bad form and tells her you really don’t give a rat’s ass about the date. So please, for the love of women everywhere, pay for the date and at least a few of the ones after that. It doesn’t matter if she reaches for her purse or offers to pay; she’s very likely expecting or at least secretly hoping you’ll take the bill. Show her you care and pay for some food and drinks.
- Don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Who wants to sit through a date with someone who talks about him or herself the entire time and never asks the other person a single question? This may seem like an extreme example, but it really isn’t. The friend I was talking about earlier had another terrible date experience with a dude who talked about his job for a straight 30 minutes and asked her one question only. What was the question, you ask? Well, she lived on a sailboat at the time because she 1. wanted to save money and 2. loves boats. This boat had a bathroom and the residential marina she lived in had toilets and showers. The moron she was on a date with asked her—and remember, this is the only question he asked—how she went to the bathroom on a boat. Yep. That was the question. Terrible, yes? She literally ran down the street to get the hell away from him, and much like that grope-y, cheap creep, never saw him again. Women like it when you ask them questions—like, really like it. It shows them that you’re at least feigning interest in who they are and what they do with their time. And unless she’s completely self-absorbed, she’s going to ask you about yourself too.
- Please, for the love of God, don’t get sloppy drunk. Save your alcoholic tendencies for when you’re seriously dating or she’s your girlfriend. Turning into a wasted mess on the first date, especially if it’s a weeknight, does not look great. It makes you look like a drunk. It also makes it hard for her to gauge what kind of dude you are because you’re smashed. Not awesome. Have a drink or two to calm your nerves…just don’t consume an excessive amount of booze.