You might think that you’re not clingy and that you just really like her, but your girlfriend might think you’re way too possessive. That’s not attractive or okay. Here are signs you might be a possessive boyfriend so you can dial it down and prevent yourself from sabotaging your relationship.
- You’re jealous of other guys. It’s normal to get jealous when some other guy hits on your GF at the club, but if you’re so jealous to the point where you become moody just because the guy smiled at her, that’s taking it too far. You’re seriously crossing a line if you start a fight when someone comes over and talks to her. Unless there’s a real threat to your relationship, there’s no good reason to be so jealous at the drop of a hat. Your insecurity will push her away.
- You limit her time with her loved ones. You both need space and to maintain your independence in the relationship. If you’re trying to limit hers by trying to keep her all to yourself instead of letting her spend time with her loved ones, you’re being too controlling. She doesn’t want to feel like you’re clipping her wings. She’s supposed to have a life outside of the relationship and so are you. It’s normal.
- You mansplain. While this might not be such a dramatic or obvious sign that you’re too possessive, when done on a regular basis it can make her feel like you’re trying to control her. See, when you resort to mansplaining all the time, it zaps her confidence and makes her feel that you’re trying to show that you’re wiser or more informed than her. You’re basically trying to control the way she sees herself, and trying to be put on a pedestal while bringing her down without even noticing it.
- You text her when she’s not with you. Hey, it’s sweet to send her a text so that she knows you’re thinking of her, but if you regularly make contact when you know she’s out with friends or busy at work, it comes across as way too clingy. It’s as though you’re trying to monitor her every move and chances are she’ll see it as creepy.
- You tell her not to wear certain clothing. When you see her wearing stilettos and a mini skirt on her way out the door, you tell her that she should change because she’s going to get loads of male attention out there. Whoa, hold up! Being so insecure that you want to control the way your GF dresses says more about you than her fashion choices. You have to deal with your lack of confidence or else you risk her walking out the door for good.
- You make most of the relationship decisions. Whether it’s where you should go out for dinner or where you should live when you move in together in future, you’re the one leading the relationship and hoping your GF will follow. But what about what she wants? If you’re taking charge all the time, you’re treating her like she’s a possession instead of a person with her own feelings, thoughts, and decisions. That’s not okay.
- You get mad when she can’t see you. When she’s too busy to schedule you in for a date, you become sulky or fight with her. Or, you might give her the silent treatment for a few days so that you get your message across that you’re upset with her. Yikes. This is really a way for you to use your emotions to punish her. Although it makes sense to ask her what’s up if she’s always canceling your plans, throwing a fit because she’s unable to see you once or twice is way too possessive.
- You think you’re just showing her that you care. You might not see your behavior as being possessive until other people point it out. Even then, you might claim that you care so much about her but you don’t want to control her. Are you sure? The only way to know for sure is to ask your girlfriend what she thinks and be open to the idea that you might have an issue with controlling your partner. Once you’re made aware of the problem, you can work on changing your behavior and keeping your relationship healthy.