Dating

9 Things To Ask Yourself To Help You Decide If You’re Unsure About Her

Figuring out whether you like someone or not can be tough sometimes. I mean, do you “like her” or do you “like her, like her?” If there’s something in your life that you’re unsure about, see if running through these nine questions brings any clarity.

  1. Do you have fun with her? What’s it like when you hang out? Does it feel natural and exciting, or do things feel awkward and forced? Not every date has to be a “once in a lifetime” crazy fun experience, but when you hang out, you should usually have a good time. If you find yourself getting overly stressed about dates or eager to part ways when dinner is over, that could be a good sign that you two aren’t a great fit.
  2. Do you sense a spark between the two of you? This one is really hard to quantify, but you know it when you feel it. If you feel butterflies flutter up in your stomach when you talk to her or you get a huge sense of excitement when you receive a text, that’s a strong sign that you two are a good fit. Hanging out and talking with her should never feel like “going through the motions,” but should feel inherently exciting and “right.” If your friends ask about her and the only thing you can say is that “she’s nice” or something equally bland, that’s a major sign that you might be better friends than GF/BF.
  3. What do your friends think of her? Speaking of your friends, this is another key test. While it doesn’t make any sense to give friends a total say over your relationships, they can be a great gut check on whether they think you guys have a good dynamic. It’s important to ask friends because they will be willing to give sober feedback while you might be head over heels in the moment.
  4. What’s your favorite quality about her? And you should be able to talk about it for a while! It isn’t enough to just say you like her hair or her eyes — anybody off the street could point those things out. What’s the little thing that nobody else notices that drives you crazy about her? What is it that differentiates her from all the other millions of women walking down the street? You should be able to go on and on about something you really, really like about her. If you can’t, that’s definitely a sign you either don’t know her well enough yet or maybe you two aren’t destined for each other.
  5. What’s your least favorite quality about her? This one is dicier but still important. If you really know someone, you also know some things about them that aren’t ideal. There’s no such thing as a perfect person, and even your dream woman is still going to have some attributes you find a little grating. Being mature enough to recognize those things, and knowing how to deal with them, is super important to consider before your flirtation becomes a LTR.
  6. What facts do you know about her life? You don’t need to be able to take a comprehensive exam about every single aspect of her life, but you should know some basic things about her. What is her favorite color? Where did she grow up? What did she like about her hometown and what did she hate about it? Basic questions like these show that you’ve been actively listening to her when she shares stuff with you because you’re truly interested in her. If you’re just going through the motions and not retaining information about her, that’s a red flag that things aren’t meant to last.
  7. What would you miss about her if she was out of the picture? If she moved away tomorrow, what things would you miss about her? Would it be her incredible sense of humor, her beautiful smile, or how she manages to tell the best stories? If you find yourself easily naming off half a dozen things you’d miss about her, that’s a big sign that you should never give her any reason to leave.
  8. How often do you think about other girls? Are you still swiping on dating apps, or are you totally committed to her? If you compulsively feel like you have to “keep your options open” or resist defining the relationship so you can still date around, that’s a sign that maybe she’s not the one for you.
  9. What’s your first reaction to thinking about having a future with her? What do you feel in your gut when you consider the idea of putting aside all the other potential dates you follow on Instagram and just sticking with her? Do you feel a calm happiness or a reluctant anxiety? Settling down and dating someone can be a big deal if you’re both taking it seriously, so think about it carefully. If you go through all these questions and still aren’t sure about her, don’t force it. That’ll just be worse for both of you in the long run.