From Swiping To Sex: It’s All In The Numbers

When trying to land a successful relationship, there is a number of hurdles along the way that could bring it all crashing to the ground. While it’s not an exact science, there is a certain amount of research to suggest that doing the right number of the right things could significantly increase your chances. Let’s look at the five steps required to get from swiping to sex successfully

  1. Profile Photos – Perfect Number: 3. First and foremost, you’ll need to create an online profile that resembles something at least somewhat less creepy than a serial killer. The number of photos on your profile is important. One photo is too little – people will assume you are either lazy or so ugly that there is only one decent photograph of you in existence. Too many photos are also not ideal because you will either come across as vain or reveal too much about yourself.  Every single photo is a potential dealbreaker, so don’t put up anything that isn’t perfect. The ideal number of photos is three. Everybody has at least three decent photos, and three is just enough to convince a potential date that you are, in fact, a real person.
  2. Responses Per Reply – Perfect Number: 1. Hear me out. Beginning a text-based conversation through a dating app is an exercise fraught with the possibility of miscommunication. Just because somebody matched with you doesn’t mean they necessarily want to chat with you. If you message them and they don’t reply, leave it. Sending a second message at worst makes you look desperate and at best goes unread anyway. Some people only check their dating apps every few days – be patient. If she sees you haven’t messaged again after three days, she’ll appreciate that you respect her privacy and admire you for having a life outside of dating apps. If you have been chatting for a while and suddenly the conversation goes dead, you’ve been ghosted. Accept it and move on. You aren’t Shakespeare or Casanova and no amount of romantic prosaic messages are going to drag her back.
  3. Days Before Meeting – Perfect Number: 2. The dating world is fast-paced and fickle, and people only have so much time to waste with back and forth conversation. In fact, my most successful dates have been the ones I made on the very same day as matching. However, in the majority of cases, people aren’t immediately available, so the following day is best. I have found that if you wait longer than that, in almost every case she will cancel due to getting cold feet or finding a better person to meet. Waiting too long to set a date to meet is a sure-fire to lose a match. Women receive hundreds of matches a week and chances are you’ll get knocked down the message queue by some silver-tongued lothario in no time. Strike while the fire is hot – after half an hour to an hour of texting, pose the question.  If she isn’t interested, move on. I find that within an hour of chatting online, a woman will know if she wants to meet you or not.
  4. Dates Before Sleeping Together – Perfect Number: 2. This is controversial, but hear me out. Guys always want to sleep with a woman on the first date, and women have some archaic unspoken rule to only go home with a guy on the third date, which makes the second date the perfect middle ground. Some people would say that going home with someone on the first date isn’t an ideal way to start a relationship, although I disagree. You can decide your own stance on that, but the fact is in many cases, it does just lead to a one-night stand. On the flip side, I find myself losing hope fairly quickly if there is still no progression after date number two. In most cases, I move my attention to someone else when this happens. After two dates, you should have spent enough time together and discussed enough boring topics to know whether you want to sleep together or not.
  5. Minutes Spent on Foreplay – Perfect Number: 23.  Don’t ask me why, but I have spent a good part of last 20 years researching this particular topic in excessive detail and I can conclude with a degree of certainty that 23 minutes is the exact number required for perfect foreplay. If she isn’t wet, hot, and ready to go within 23 minutes then you are doing it wrong, and she will start losing interest. In the same vein, if you try to rush in too early (say at something ridiculous like 21 minutes), you’ll spoil everything with your stupid impatient penis. I would go so far as to suggest you set a timer on your fancy smartwatch and ensure a decent portion of those 23 minutes is spent with your tongue on her vagina.