Dating

How To Approach Dating Apps When You’re Shy

You’re a shy, introverted guy, which makes it really tough to join dating apps sometimes. It’s probably even more difficult if you’ve been bruised in the dating game recently. How are you supposed to feel confident? Here are 7 tips to help you become a dating app champ.

  1. Be beta. You’re not an alpha male who can strut up to a woman or message her furiously on a dating app with total confidence, but you know what? So what! Some research has shown that many women prefer men with fewer alpha qualities, so just be yourself. One study worth knowing about which was published in Greater Good Magazine found that when women were asked to describe what qualities were ideal in a potential partner, only one out of the 50 women surveyed said that a man should be “dominant.”
  2. Be real about your life. You might think that telling the world you’re a Star Wars fanatic or gamer who can spend all weekend indoors playing video games might make you seem like you’re not outgoing or fun enough, but you know what? It’s all about how you present those facts. Anything can be interesting if you feel confident about it, and it’s better to be honest that you’re not an extrovert who dances on tables at nightclubs so you attract the right women who are similar to you.
  3. Focus your search. It can feel overwhelming to download a dating app when you consider how many people are on there, making quick judgments on your profile. Forget about that. Instead, focus on finding the right kinds of women. You can tell someone’s an introvert by paying a little more attention to what they write about themselves in their bio section. Also, note their photos. Someone who isn’t posing in bikinis in every picture? Yeah, probably not a huge extrovert or desperate for attention, which means she might be more similar to you than you think. Once you find the women who seem introverted like you, you’ll feel more empowered and you’ll be able to communicate with them easier.
  4. Start small. You don’t have to jump right in and message 10 women on a dating app in a day. Take baby steps by messaging two or “liking” three profiles. These small steps can help you better navigate the site without feeling overwhelmed. It also helps you ease back into dating in general.
  5. Change your view of rejection. One of the worst things introverts feel on dating apps is the fear of rejection. When it happens, it can really leave you feeling crushed. You might wonder what you’ve done wrong, why you’re not liked by someone, or why a certain woman you matched with hasn’t replied to your message. Ugh, is there anything more irritating than that? The thing to remember is that rejection happens to everyone, even the confident jocks who claim to get dates every night of the week. Instead of feeling down about getting rejected by someone on a dating app, you should actually use it as an opportunity to remind yourself that you’re getting out there and chasing your relationship goals. That’s a good thing.
  6. Don’t wait for women to make the first move. You might think it’s cool to wait around for women you’ve matched with to do all the work, but don’t fall into a comfort zone. This approach can make you come across as lazy or uninterested in the women. Since you’re chatting to people on your computer instead of in RL, you can make yourself feel more comfortable and confident without anyone knowing that you’re wearing pajamas, listening to music, or watching YouTube videos on how to improve your ability to speak to women. Find what works to make you feel less anxious, then go out there and initiate conversations.
  7. Build relationships with women on a platonic level.  When you’re afraid to talk to women in a dating environment, it can help you to build confidence by improving your communication skills with platonic connections with women. This can help to boost your confidence so that when you chat to women online, you feel more in control and don’t let your anxiety get in the way of potentially awesome interactions.