The thought of putting yourself back into the dating scene after a divorce can be both intimidating and frustrating. When you decided to get married, you thought you’d never have to worry about dating again. But now you’re here, and you’re wondering what to do. You find yourself asking, “How do I get back into the dating scene?”
Divorce is one of those things that feels like the end of the world when it happens, but in time you will see it as the best thing that ever happened to you. This is because it’s always sad and hard to make a change in your life, but some changes are for your own good. Here’s some advice on getting back out there when the very thought of it is anxiety-inducing.
- Take care of yourself first. It’s not selfish for you to take some time for yourself. In fact, relationships often require us to sacrifice or change a part of ourselves. This is your chance to get that part of you back. Be free. Do what is necessary to make yourself happy first. After all, you can’t have a fulfilling relationship without first being a fulfilled individual.
- Get out there and make the most of your freedom! When I was going through a divorce, I had to have my TV changed. The guy who installed my new satellite system was talking about his divorce and some things he learned from it. I’ll never forget the last thing he said to me. He said that this was going to be a rough time, but that I’d look back on it as the best thing to ever happen to me. Then, just as he was going out the door, he said: “Feel the power between your legs, brotha!” You have freedom now, go enjoy it.
- Be picky. If there’s anything that divorce teaches you, it’s that you can think you’ve found “The One” and still be wrong. That’s because in your youthful arrogance, you forgot to see if you were truly compatible. When you’re ready to get back into the dating scene, realize that your next long-term relationship should be more about compatibility than compromise. Don’t compromise yourself for a relationship.
- Own your status. Checking that box that says “divorced” on forms can feel like a slap in the face. Nobody wants to remember their failures. Don’t let the fact that you are divorced intimidate you, though. You are not defined by your marriage ending. You made a mistake and now you’re fixing that mistake. There’s nothing wrong with that.
- Reinvent yourself. When I went through a divorce, the first thing I started doing was reading personal development books. I was trying to avoid failure and I wound up learning so much about myself in the process. Now is the best time for you to look inside yourself and make some changes. All the stuff you always wanted to do, see, and be, you now can. Go for it.
- Don’t be afraid to fail again. The big takeaway from divorce is that relationships fail. Sometimes it’s your fault, but most of the time it just means that you either weren’t compatible or you grew apart. You have just as much chance of your next relationship failing as you did this one. Put yourself out there and keep an open mind. You might be pleasantly surprised at what happens.
- Develop a winning approach. When I divorced, I found myself looking into PUA (i.e. “Pick Up Arts”) materials. I remember reading that stuff and realizing how sleazy it sounded. Then I discovered The Book of Pook, and it completely changed my life. If you want to have a winning attitude about dating and living your life, I cannot recommend this book enough.
- Learn to love your life again. Your life didn’t end at the courthouse (even though it may feel like it did). There’s a whole new world out there for you to explore. Not only is this a chance for you to discover who you really are, it’s also a chance to discover who you might become. Get out there and start living again.
If you’re going through a divorce, realize that it’s not the end of the world. You’ve been given a new lease on life and a chance to rectify old mistakes. Focus on yourself, improve yourself, and have fun. This is your life, and it’s ending one second at a time. Make the most of it.