How To Handle Being Attracted To Someone Other Than Your S.O.

Attraction is a funny thing. As most guys who have survived their pre-teens can tell you, it’s something that’s very, very hard to control. So what do you do if you’re attracted to someone other than your significant other? Here are a few ways to make sure the situation doesn’t turn into a huge disaster.

  1. Remind yourself that it’s natural. Crushes happen. If a new girl with piercing blue eyes started at your job and you really like blue eyes, it makes sense that you’d be drawn to her. There’s a reason having a celebrity crush when you’re in a relationship is so common—it’s because it’s being able to properly admire the dashing looks of a star while simultaneously serving as a commoner that’s millions of miles away from them. They’re not a threat to your happiness with your significant other.
  2. Try to analyze how big this attraction really is. Is it an “I blush a little bit when they walk in the room” sort of attraction or an “I can’t focus since I’m too infatuated with this other person” attraction? The first is much more easy to deal with than the second, but the first scenario can very easily morph into the second if you don’t address it from the get-go.
  3. Fully evaluate your relationship with your significant other. Sometimes, big crushes happen because, at the core of it, you’re just not very happy in your relationship. Maybe you’ve both been going through a lot of stress recently or you haven’t had sex in ages since your work hours have clashed the last month or two. Does your crush mean you’ve actually checked out of your relationship?
  4. Fully evaluate your relationship with yourself. Sometimes, eyes wander simply due to boredom. Or, maybe you’ve been kind of depressed and are quietly self-sabotaging. Are you happy? It might just be a simple physical attraction and nothing more, but if it’s leaving you concerned, it’s important to focus on where your life’s at right now.
  5. Remind yourself that acting on it will only lead to problems. Cheating is never okay in any situation. It’s deceptive and one of the most hurtful things you can do to a partner. Don’t try to push the limits and see if the person you’re attracted to would be interested. If you are done with your current relationship, you need to end it respectfully and properly before bringing anyone else into the picture. (Unless, of course, your girlfriend wants to open the relationship.) If things are super good with your girlfriend, even seemingly harmless flirting will rock the boat and make everyone feel awkward. Don’t even go there.
  6. Picture the person you’re attracted to at their worst. For a minor crush, the best thing to squash it is to picture them doing something kind of disgusting. Like, imagine them sitting on the toilet with a pretty gnarly stomach bug. There’s a wonderful chance this exact scenario has happened a few times before, so it’s not outlandish. It’s a normal, human thing that happens, but it’s not necessarily attractive.
  7. Try to separate yourself from your crush. If you can help it, you might want to keep your distance. Don’t accept invites to grab lunch together or volunteer for that work project they’re leading. If it’s someone you work with, don’t interact with them outside of work hours. It’s hard to straight up avoid someone, but if you can help it, a little distance might be the perfect way to forget about them entirely.
  8. Make a mental list of all the reasons you’re super attracted to your significant other. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, sometimes you lose those feelings of what attracted you to them in the first place. At one point, your significant other was your crush, but as time went on, she became someone you’re just used to being around. Sit down and think about when you first started dating your girlfriend and what personality traits she has that will never fail to make you smile.
  9. Take a vacation with your significant other. And if not a vacation, just a standard date. Rekindle the romance and fall in love with her again. It’s important to maintain a relationship to keep the fire going, and perhaps a nice time out with just the two of you will reignite the passion. Plus, hey — if it’s been awhile, you deserve a vacation.