Dating

How To Look For Casual Hookups On Dating Apps Without Looking Like A Jerk

Everyone has their own reason for being on a dating app, and sometimes it’s hard to find people who are looking for the same thing. If you’re just interested in hooking up, you’re not alone, but there are a few things you need to do to be successful and make sure you’re not coming off as an asshole.

  1. Be upfront about it. While there are definitely a lot of people on dating apps who are looking for more than a casual relationship, a lot people really are just looking for sex, and finding someone who is honest enough to say that from the beginning makes their search a lot easier. Don’t try to pretend you’re there for the reasons other people might be. It will always get you into trouble and make things so much more complicated than necessary.
  2. Choose your introduction wisely. “Hey” is a sorry excuse for an opening line in any context, but if you’re only interested in hooking up, it’ll mark you out as being totally disinterested in the girl you’re messaging, and you’re not going to get a good response rate. Be creative. Catch her attention. Flatter her. Don’t make her feel like she’s just one of thirty girls you’re mass messaging, even if that’s actually what’s happening.
  3. When in doubt, use humor. A funny guy can get away with pretty much anything. Any girl would rather sleep with someone who makes her laugh than with a guy who takes himself and the world too seriously. If you’re trying to get a girl to sleep with you, humor is probably even more successful than chivalry, and that’s saying something.
  4. Write a good bio. Your bio should be a reflection of your attributes and interests without being too arrogant. Some girls might be interested in your height, but there is absolutely no reason to detail what you can bench press or the review you received from the last girl you slept with. Be funny, make it short, and avoid making a list of things you’re not looking for in a girl. Basically, don’t be a dick.
  5. Avoid too much shirtlessness. Yes, you want your photos to be sexy, but you don’t want to look like you’re obsessed with yourself. It’s counterproductive. While one or two photos of shirtlessness is excusable, anything beyond that is off putting in the extreme, and will probably make everyone think you’re a pretty boy who needs to get over himself.
  6. Consider who you’re trying to attract. Just because you’re looking for a hookup doesn’t mean you have to find someone shallow. There are plenty of super smart, funny, awesome ladies out there who aren’t looking for anyone serious either. You don’t have to lower the bar just because you’re only there for a hookup.
  7. Don’t expect anyone to be at your place within 15 minutes of matching with you. One of the first things a woman learns about the world is that it can be a dangerous and crappy place, due in large part to the presence of dangerous and crappy men. When you ask a girl you just said “hi” to for the first time if she wants to come over and she says no, it isn’t because she’s “no fun” or a prude, it’s because she doesn’t want to put herself in a potentially terrifying situation. If you want to hook up with a girl without doing the whole dating thing, make sure you’ve been messaging each other with relevant information for awhile before you propose having sex.
  8. Be realistic. The truth is that dating apps these days are a lot more dating focused than they used to be. Back in the day (2015 or so), Tinder and its kind were used almost exclusively for quick hook ups, but more and more single people are turning to them to find longer-term partners. This means that you need to be prepared for the fact that some women you find on them will simply not be options for you.
  9. Don’t be ashamed of why you’re there. Everyone needs uncomplicated sex every once in a while. Men and women. It’s totally normal, and you shouldn’t feel sleazy for wanting it. The more embarrassed you are about it, the more guilty and shady you seem, and that is a red flag for a lot of people, even when there’s nothing behind it. Don’t hide why you’re there. Proclaim your disinterest in commitment from the rooftops. It’s totally fine.
  10. Condescension is a huge buzz kill. While confidence and lack of shame are important, don’t act like people who want actual relationships are clingy and inferior. There is nothing less attractive than a guy with a profile that says he’s “not interested in girls who need a long-term thing,” as if the women who are looking for a relationship are desperate and would give anything to match with him. Respect the fact that some people want a partner and some people want a hookup and there is no moral distinction. Live and let live.