How To Slow Things Down When She Wants To Get Serious (Without Ending The Relationship)

Sometimes you just want something casual, and that’s okay. But it can be hard to tell a woman that you want to take things slow when she’s pushing for something more. If you find yourself in this situation, here’s how to get your way without losing her completely.

  1. Be honest. You’d be surprised how understanding women will be if you simply explain where you’re coming from. If you feel like things are going a little too quickly, just tell her you’re not ready. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or hurt her feelings. The only thing that will be a big deal is if you try to evade telling her how you feel and end up making her think you’re a jerk or not interested.
  2. Don’t go along with what she wants just because you don’t want to rock the boat. A lot of people hate conflict and avoid it at all cost, but things will get a lot messier down the line if you allow yourself to be dragged into a relationship you didn’t want simply because you were afraid to speak up in the beginning. No one wants to date a guy who just goes along with everything and doesn’t make his feelings known.
  3. Make it about you, not her. This should be obvious, but you don’t want her to think you’re not into her. If you like her but aren’t wanting a full on relationship yet, make sure she knows that. Tell her how much you enjoy spending time with her and how you want to continue hanging out and seeing where things go but that you don’t want anything serious yet. She’ll probably understand completely.
  4. Have a game plan. You can’t expect her to wait around for you forever while you get your shit together and decide whether or not she’s someone you want to date seriously. There’s a big difference between leaving things open-ended and having a concrete trajectory. Tell her you need a few weeks before you’ll be ready to discuss something more serious. Don’t make her feel like she’s wasting her time or she’ll be long gone by the time you’ve made up your mind.
  5. If you know you don’t want to take things any farther, be honest. If you’re seeing a woman in an informal, fun way and want to keep it like that indefinitely, it’s only fair for her to know that you don’t have any intention or desire to move into something more serious. Don’t tell her you want to slow things down if you actually just want things to stay static. It’s totally possible that she’s wanted the same thing but felt like she had to move things forward because it’s how relationships usually work.
  6. Be as communicative as possible. Guys aren’t the best at communication, but when you’re letting down a girl and want to still keep her around, you have to be extra kind and engaged. Don’t just tell her you’re not wanting anything serious and leave her hanging. Be as present as you possibly can be, texting, calling, even going out if need be. Otherwise, she’ll write you off as a sleaze and block your number before you can tell her you’re still interested.
  7. Whatever you do, don’t just disappear. Women hate this. Seriously, it makes them despise all men, and that’s just not fair for those of us who are actually pretty decent. If you think you’re being really smart by not responding to her texts so she’ll get the message that you don’t want to get serious as fast as she does, you’re misguided. The only instance in which this would make sense is if you want her out of your life completely and if you’re trying to illustrate how big of an asshole you are.
  8. Be crystal clear. People often hear what they want to hear, and sometimes we take advantage of this. It’s really tempting to let a girl think that you’re planning on dating her seriously just so she’ll keep sleeping with you, but stringing people along is one of the most counterproductive things you can do. Make sure she understands exactly where you’re coming from. Showing her respect will get you far.
  9. Compliment her, but be genuine. This can be a tough line to walk. You want to flatter her, but you don’t want to be excessive about it. Tell her why you like her and why you still want her in your life. Explain why you’re wanting to take things slowly, but focus on the fact that you still want something with her. Make it positive.
  10. Make sure you’re not just flipping out about the prospect of an actual relationship. If you’re experiencing resistance at the thought of moving things to the next level, you might want to ask yourself why before you try to explain to the girl that you want to slow things down. Some people have a hard time getting close to people even when it’s what they need most. Make sure you’re not sabotaging yourself before you talk to her. Maybe a serious relationship is exactly what you need.