Dating

No Matter How Angry You Are, Never Say These 10 Things In A Fight

A big argument can bring out the worst in us, even when we’re fighting with someone we love. But if you want your relationship to survive an intense disagreement, make sure these words never come out of your mouth:

  1. “I hate you.” Like love, hate is a powerful emotion that shouldn’t be treated lightly. Telling the person you love that you hate her when you’re really just angry can really do a lot of damage. It’s fine to say that you’re disappointed or furious or disgusted, but don’t whip out such a strong word unless you mean it and are ready to end your relationship.
  2. “You’re a bitch.” Name-calling in general is a pretty big “don’t” when dealing with conflict in your relationship, but gendered insults like “bitch” and the c-word are particularly egregious. They’re commonly used to make women feel irrational or shrill, and if one slips out of your mouth in the heat of the moment, don’t be surprised if your partner never quite gets over it.
  3. “I’m leaving you.” The threat of ending your relationship should never be used as a weapon. If you tell your partner that it’s over, it needs to be because you’re actually breaking up with her. Using your relationship status to get what you want or give yourself an ego boost when your partner begs for you to stay is manipulative and wrong.
  4. “I could do so much better than you.” Even if you’re not feeling so great about your partner in the heat of an argument, saying something to make her feel inferior to you is a low blow. Once you two have cooled down, she’ll remember how you said, essentially, that you were just settling for her, and that’s going to cause relationship problems that will last well beyond your fight.
  5. “You’re ugly anyway.” Insulting your partner’s appearance is the easiest and quickest way to kill your sex life after the argument is over. This is another move that’s meant to make her feel worse about herself, and even if you say it to try to give yourself the upper hand in a shouting match, she’s not going to forget about it after you’ve made up. A comment like this from someone she loves can destroy her self-confidence for years, and your relationship may never completely recover from it.
  6. “I should’ve never left my ex.” Seriously, never bring your ex into it. This thought might go through your head, but never speak it into existence. Not only is it just plain cruel to imply that you think your ex is better than your partner, but once the fight’s over, your partner is never going to be able to stop wondering if you would really take your ex back if given the opportunity.
  7. “I’m going out and I don’t know when I’ll be back.” It’s fine to need some space after a big argument, but never make your partner wonder if or when she’ll see you again. Give yourself a deadline, and tell her something like, “I’ll be back by six o’clock tonight.” Just telling her that you’ve leaving without giving her an indication of where you’re going or when you’ll be back is a manipulative way to make her anxious and beg you not to go, and it doesn’t help anyone involved.
  8. “This is why your ex treated you that way.” Just as you shouldn’t bring your ex into a fight, never bring your partner’s ex into it either. Whether her former partner was just a lackluster significant other or actually abusive, no one should ever be made to feel like they deserved to be treated poorly by someone who was supposed to love them.
  9. “I want to punch you in the face right now.” It’s true that even the most peaceful people sometimes just want to hit something when they’re really angry. However, making your partner feel like she’s at risk for being on the receiving end of physical violence is absolutely abusive behavior, even if you’d never actually act on it. If these thoughts are going through your mind, get yourself into anger management classes and learn how to deal with them healthily.
  10. Silence. Sometimes, a lack of words can be just as harmful as the wrong words. Giving your partner the silent treatment is a power play that can make her feel invalidated and unheard, which can cause problems that persist after the fight is over. Again, it’s fine if you just want some time apart so you can cool down, but never straight-up ignore your partner when she’s trying to speak to you or trying to contact you.