You’re minding your own business, checking out hot women on a dating app when you come across one that looks oddly familiar. After a few minutes, you realize it’s someone you’ve met before. It’s your best friend’s girlfriend. WTF is she doing on a dating app for single people when you just heard from your buddy last weekend that they’re going to be moving in together soon? Ugh. You can’t unsee what you’ve seen, but the question is, what do you do with this info? Should you tell your friend or mind your own business?
- There’s no easy answer to this. No matter what you do, there will be some nasty consequences to telling your friend. You have to understand that you’re putting yourself in the line of fire here. Your friend might be mad at you, which could seem crazy, but it’s not that difficult to understand why. Look, you’re the one who’s going to destroy the idea he had that he was dating the woman of his dreams, even though it was done indirectly.
- What would you want done if the situation was reversed? Ask yourself, if you were your best friend in this situation, would you want him to tell you that he saw your GF on a dating app or would you prefer to find out for yourself? It might help you figure out what to do by imagining how you’d feel if this were happening to you.
- Are you close friends? It might not be your best friend to whom this is happening. It might be someone you used to be really close to but you’ve grown apart from. It might even be a guy who’s more your acquaintance than friend. This matters because turning up to the guy’s house to tell him that you saw his GF on a dating app can be even more uncomfortable if you’re not close friends. He might wonder why you’d take it upon yourself to get involved in his private affairs.
- You don’t know the full story. Look, if you’re not that close with the guy, you might think that his GF is clearly playing him, but what if they’re in an open relationship? What if they’re having a relationship break? If you don’t really know their situation, then you can’t be the one to get involved because it’s out of line.
- If you are going to tell him, when? On the other hand, if you and your friend are really close and you know for a fact that he wouldn’t be cool with his GF having a dating app subscription, then you should treat him the way a friend should be treated: with loyalty and honesty. Yup, it’s time to tell him what’s going on.
- How do you break the bad news? Now for the difficult part of how to tell your friend that his GF is cheating on him. The best thing you can do is break the news to him in person. It’s inappropriate and quite careless to send him a screenshot of his GF’s dating app profile. It’s better to meet up with him so you can be there to comfort him after he hears the upsetting news. Remember that this could come totally out of the blue for him and he could be really shocked.
- Don’t get into “I told you so” mode. It can be tempting to tell your friend what you know about his GF’s cheating before adding, “I knew she was going to hurt you!” But this makes you come across as a jerk instead of a caring friend. The best way to handle the situation is to remain on the outside as much as possible. Yes, you’re involved in their drama now, but you don’t have to get deeper into the mud. Show him the evidence and focus on the facts. Let him deal with the news in the best way he can and don’t give him ammo to shoot the messenger (you) by acting like you’re proud of yourself for finding out that his GF is cheating.
- Support him no matter what. Even if you’re your buddy’s go-to guy when the shit hits the fan, you need to respect whatever decision he makes. He might be really mad and decide to confront his GF and break up with her, or he might be mad but do nothing. He might even continue dating her. That’s not your business, though. The best thing to do is support your friend as much as possible so he knows that you were only breaking the news to him to empower him, not to make decisions for him or be the hero of the situation. It’s really not about you.